It’s Good To Fear Book

stVincent

Where it all began in 2009

 

I have feared this book (long since written) for years now . I wrote it on the run, existentially raw, at risk, on various computers and often at great risk up and down the West Coast.

I mean you would have to have been there cold, wet in a Portland doorway in a downpour ; or in Seattle with an eye gone wrong; or rolled and stolen after five months of good work and then spilled empty into the same town the woman you loved lived in…destitute.

Guns, subway trains, knives …cops kicking at your feet. Hate and loss and yearning.

But I’m cool now or you would not keep reading. No. I’m at Berkeley and hot stuff. Eh.

I once serious thought of pitching myself of the Burnstreet Bridge in Portland on a very dark night.  I have a savage self -protection module so this was rare and severe – thoughts of my only daughter Camille sobered me and weather the night.

Ther are things more important than US – like our Little girls.

Savage things happened after…next things next…maybe you live…maybe you die…sexy…but also pathetic…That’ll forge antiumantium in you.

Every storyin this book is true. It all happened –  Pinky swears.

People are afraid to tell the truth…it is not so bad…nothing really bad happens.  Maybe you laugh.

Sure, you say..”it’s easier with nothing to lose.”

True. I’ll give you that. My walking gaunt and lean in the long coat and hat at 4 a.m in the dark against four guys with golf clubs and a guy with a gun is a kinda of suicide….unless…

I had all the cards…

Six years earlier I had no idea I had any cards at all, or that there was a game..or that I could make a difference…or that…oh boy….

 

 

 

 

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