Enjoying Anotther Man’s Nuts

pomegranate

Homeless folk are very generous with each other – more-so than I think regular folk when you get right down to it (though my friends and family are more generous than most). If It is common to give a third of your remaining money to a brother or sister in need, or maybe even half (this is often only $3-$5)  figuring something good will happen soon.

It usually does.

I gave out almost my last reserves the other day. I was about to contact my parents for a small advance that would have taken days – then I got wind I may have some freelance on Monday; then I got wind my parents are in town today and wanna take me to lunch. It is possible they will lay a twenty on me to help assuage things till Monday knowing I dislike too much help (I have more to say on this later).

In the same spirit, one of my friends at the St. Mary’s shelter, Stuart came by when I was on the computer and laid some Pomegranate soaked pistachios on me. Said I’d love them.

I did.

*******

I killed it on the interview with Jawbone yesterday. If it was the World Series I went 4 for 5 with two homers – sheer muscle. I took educated chances just like I would with their products (which I had studied in great detail). I knew what they needed to do – it was all about the narratives – or lack thereof – for two of their three main products. Even their “UP” system had a thin one (nice, but thin).

When it was my turn to ask them questions about their company I went deep and found out significant details. It could actually work, though I would be single-handedly replacing an entire ad agency in-house. Still, I reasoned it was just ME against whole staffs of Lollapalooza and NPR when it came to Webby time in 2006 and Maverickssurf.com. I know content and I know audience.

I’m the idea/Vision guy – and I never lack that.

Margaret, the women interviewing me, was clearly excited by the end of the interview. Her one concern (the one at bat I did not get a hit) was I had no “metrics” from any of my previous jobs. She was going to have to run this by the Senior VP to get me to the next level. She did not seem worried.

She shoud have been. He axed me.

Was I discouraged? No.

On Wednesday I had sent my resume and 30 minutes later I had gotten an email back requesting a swift telephone interview two days later from a huge company with International business. I had gotten that interview and clearly and cleanly scorched it for 45 minutes.

I had not won the World Series – but I had played in one right out of the gate.

I would be back. I’m a contender – no doubt about it.

*******

But is that God’s will for me? Is it my calling? What of my inner calling to the Homeless that I speak of so often?

And what is up with me lately and dating sites?

Oh you don’t know about that?

Of that’s because I am writing so much LESS. And why would that be? Ohhh..maybe because of said dating sites?

Ya think?

It was causing some inner turmoil inside. ..but not for reasons you might think. It has more to do with calling and attention.

I am not whining when I say I am meant to run and run fast… I am a race car meant for high speed. I get bored easy. If I have nothing to do (and I cannot just job search all day long …you try it) I will go nuts.

Is it possible that I am lonely. Sure..though if that is true I rarely feel it. And if it was true, then when I go on these dates (and I have had many) I would certainly avail myself of the quite frequent offer of intimacy or at least a little affection. But the fact is I have only had two dates where I had any real fun and there was no chemistry there that way (very classy, beautiful and intelligent women however.) I’m too smart to produce wreckage in other people’s lives (even if they see it as “harmless fun”) – and I sure as hell am not going to do so to myself.

Elizabeth+PerkinsI really liked the long date with the woman who looked like Elizabth Perkins (dead ringer). Smart, sophisticated and funny. But…nothin.

She said it well “You are possibly the most interesting man I have ever met – but I don’t think we are headed in the same direction.”

Astute.

Now some of you are saying “what business does he have dating when he is homeless?”

What business do you have being married given your issues? At least mine isn’t moral.

(Oh that was soooo cold…but so was yours if you think about it…remember, some of you actually follow a homeless man?)

The reality is that a certain number of women will not date a man without a job because they fear co-dependency.

There is good reason for this if the man is looking for this or will allow it.

I allowed this in the past (for sure) and it hurt others and it hurt me (every bit as much).

I don’t allow it anymore, and I set the boundaries on MY SIDE of the fence so the woman has no say whatsoever. I simply will not accept any help at all – ever.

So any fear is simple projection and has nothing to do with me.

And it will be over very soon anyway.  Which makes me sad, because I liked the idea of someone liking me for me – and not my success. Oh well. .

*******

I have stopped the online dating. It was taking to much time and women live too much in fear. I have found one really smart courageous, funny, tall drink of water who is really pretty awesome – in Illinois. So that is years off. So for now I am retired.

*******

“Did you enjoy eating my nuts?” Stuart said slyly this morning.

“I enjoyed…er…the pomegranate dusted pistachio snacks you shared with me yesterday – why yes -thank you Stuart,” I said amidst giggls from older men from behind.

I am in a Senior Center but it might as well be a Junior High.

I had talked with Don last night, one of the staff members who runs the place. The first time Don and I met we got into a row over a rule he mistakenly though I had broken. I didn’t back down. It escalated – causing me to employ ALL of my best disciplines at full capacity. It ended with my “blessing him” and peacefully walking away at the right time.

When I came back that night he was right there and said “You still love me?”

“Of course,” I said. “never stopped,” I grinned and hugged him.

It was at that moment that Don knew I was his man to be “House Manager” for his dream house for homeless folk in Oakland. “You have steel man,” he told me last night as he unfolded his plans. “I wanna get this going in two weeks. You will stay for free as you run the thing. You can take the garage and we’ll insulate it if you want to give you room for your painting.”

I am also doing three websites for hire for him.

So I went from possibly making $180k to running a Homeless House in Oakland and doing my painting and websites in the span of about ten minutes.

I was actually kinda happy with the new news.

Now, I cannot explain that and I don’t have to. I am also kinda happy about not dating anymore, and no I cannot explain that either.

God is weird.

So I packed up this morning so Fred of New York and I could walk down to Starbucks and talk about the new House (he will be there too). But before we did Stuart had to pipe up one more time.

“Hey Mac!” he said loudly, “…it takes a Big Man to admit that he enjoys another man’s nuts.”

And with that everyone else went off into their morning just a little happier and laughing.

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  1. Trackback: Wooosh..Zen Gone! | The Jundland Wastes

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