Squestered

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I read Solzhenitsyn as a young man..he and Kierkegaard and Pascal and you wonder at me?

I read him unabridged (the whole Gulag after I got a taste form Ivan Denisovich) and he taught me one thing “to love your lonely cell.”

He did…me? I wrestle like a wounded bear …but I know it’ true.

This was my cell for two months at 57. I’m blessed by nature because together men when pack in that way nightly are at danger. I fear no man.

When they roared at 4 a.m. I told them to “shut he fuck UP!” and they fucking did.”

You may judge me…but you have never lived that close to that many dangerous men…and you want them all safe.

*****

I am saddened today. Some men and womn get to be happy. They get vacations and holidays and I do not begrudge them this.

Scott Mictehll – my best friend of over 40s years remarked about me “the Sn of Man has no where to lay his head.” I fear he is right.

I’m not important..please..never think that. My phone won;t work…on one cres..hell..if I dioed tomorrow …eh…7 people would come.

I pay to Eternity. I love God.

and like any man i wanna get lost diversion, or a woman or great ideas…but there is only HIM.

I loved a woman once and there was nothing special about her at all except how God met us in the MIDDLE and then -In the MIDDLE – In that dynamic –  the world exploded.

That was a long time ago..and know I walk empty city streets. I sleep alone.

You want me to say that life out here is boring.

NO.

Life without God is boring.

Don’t you see the simple truth that you are holding up the meaning of your life by dead artifice?

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