The Danger of Self

"Not Enough Room at the Inn..."

“Not Enough Room at the Inn…”

Almost 6 weeks ago (about August 25 or so) it seems I was presented with a choice of self-pity or loving others and I chose others and Jesus was right (Jesus is always right): you “find your life when you lose it.”

So lots of stories about other people’s lives but I find the temptation constantly to let it slip back into MY story.

I’m about to not be homeless anymore. There. No big deal.

How dreadfully irrevocably BORING.

Oh LOOK..I may be getting a place…look at ME!

Then I suppose a nice revisionist history could come next. My hard work, tenacity..all of it would be true…from a  certain point of view of course. I have been tenacious, kept my nose clean…been disciplined beyond belief. But where did I get the focus for that?


All the meds do is keep all the Crap out of the way – keep me from being debilitated. They do not provide ANY positives at ALL.

So what DRIVES me out of bed at 4 a.m. every morning keeps my spirits up ALL DAY LONG alone in a city where I befriend many but have no friends? Who keeps my heart steady when the woman I gave my heart to lives in the very same town and may just bump into me at the Trader Joes or a cafe at any time but it will prolly just make me wanna swallow my tongue?

I am functioning at a very different plane than I ever have. It’s not about me. I am going to stop here and talk about ME  for that very reason.

There are bigger more important stories.

Like my 400-plus pound ex-gangsta friend – The Great Reynaldo or Spock. Two of my friends.

While I refuse to get pulled into TGR’s vortex (and I do) I am nonetheless with him in his suffering and praying/open to helping in any way I can.

Now, the powers that be – who have the power and who do not help the homeless at all – but who help themselves to paychecks and benefits, and food from Trader Joes (donations) and God knows what else in the way of spoils during their banker’s hours of 10 a,m.. to 4 p,m. M-F (with days of during the week when they are “gone”) – have determined that those who use the parking spaces to use vehicles as their apartments/storage units must now go this Friday whether their vehicles work or not.

This is, no doubt, a part of the whole “encampment” strategy (the giant iron gate, the side turnstile that will sit you out, but not let you back into the “park”) and the photo-ID program – all met to advanc the regualtion and incarceration of the homeless in Santa Cruz.

In the meantime the last safe place to park your  car at night and sleep has been taken away – I think.

The Great Reynaldo feels somewhat abandoned by me – not in a bad sense. He knows I have to work – but he wished I was here to take this on with him; and frankly I wish I was too. I wish I could take Friday OFF.

Spock found out he couldn’t get a much needed job because of a past criminal records.

The job? Being a bouncer at a Punk Rock club.


For a felony 14 years ago.


This stuff is a kick in the gut – hard.

Anyway – I have all of today/tonight to do some side work on the car situation. Do I know what to do? Hell no.

What kind of a civilized society do we have where you are at risk to sleep in a car – where there is actually no SAFE PLACE to do this where you may not be rousted and beaten by police?

Or…if not beaten (if you are white and educated like myself…if I had a car)…then given a ticket I could not possibly pay?

No…let’s keep them down in a hole until we have a good reason to incarcerate them for real…to the tune of $40k a year in a a Halliburton jail. And really – for what? Oh…for sleeping in their car…



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: