No Margin…Fail

I miss doing art.

As I have said before, being homeless means planning ahead. There is absolutely NO margin for any error. If you make one (or two in my case in the last 24 hours) you are really screwed.

Error One: I got on the no. 77 bus and showed my Tri-metro card then slipped it back into my jeans. My jeans are loose and my wallet must have fallen out.

Only 2 bucks, but more important, my Tri-Met cards for this and next month, my food stamps card, CA ID  and TB test results.

Screwed.

Error two: I planned to get back to my secret dwelling with at least 4 hours of daylight to figure out how to make a one man tent work for  mutant. It took only two, but I knew it was supposed to rain

I did everything I could think of…but I took a late night VM from my mother and left the pho e at …well next to me. I did not get wet…it got tiny droplets. It’s dead.

So…no wallet, no phone. Don;t call me…my only way to speak with you is via email and only because a guy nearby has an unsecured wifi account.

When I was applying for my food stamps the very gracious woman tolf me “we are all just two paychecks away from where you are. Eh….I think four personally…but the margins shrink to nothing in fast order.

Now I am on the edge. Megs is right (My youngest sister) I still have the love and good will of my family, friends and even cohorts. Still, none of them can rescue me and I am not asking. Each one of them has done enough.

I only ask that they stay in relationship with me as screwed up and without margin as I am. In some significant ways, my peril has actually improved relationships. I have gotten to know my father better, and appreciated both sisters. I now know that my stepmother Dee has been looking after me for a long time. I appreciate to a deeper degree my last two girlfriends (Jan a nd Leslie) and what they have gone through for love’s sake.

I feel the love of God’s will on the brink of extinction.Merton was right (is right)…spiritual nakedness is a place few ever get to…and if you do…you had best (as he says) “keep it to yourself”. Yet Merton did not, and neither will I.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for they shall see God”

Mac out

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Martha
    Aug 30, 2010 @ 23:47:11

    I was trying to find words of encouragement to say and this came to mind – psalm 40:17

    Hard work (which what you are in the midst of right now) with Gods hand in it will be successful. Go for the prize!!

    Reply

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