Signs

The Happy Couple

Most homeless people have signs. The range from the mundane to the Utterly Ridic (UR).

I have been getting signs and notes all week. Across the board, Jason, Wade, Megs, my parents, Jan, Leslie, Luke, Ted etc…all say I should give it up and just submit to a year long program maybe even 18 months.

I disagreed when I was not drinking not realizing that being homeless and paranoid would lead back.  As I told Ted and Luke…being homeless is my last major trigger. Rejection, being misunderstood, being treated cruelly…all that I can take (I am no pussy).  but the one open place in my armor is homelessness…and when the arrow finds its way there I am undone.

For the uninitiated, it is just not wanting to feel anymore. It is the infamous Omar Khyam quote “I drink not for want of intoxication, nor to scoff a faith…only to forget myself for awhile…that alone”.

Well when one surrounds oneself with good mirrors (and most of you are) you have to trust that over other factors. In this case (as in many cases) this happens over time. It “works you”.

So I went from 50/50 to 70/30 on a six month program after talking and praing with Ted and Luke.

After I went in to interview and it was 12-18 months I thought it impossible. 10/90.

A day later I was at 60/40…now I am at 95/5

Which is when , often the program closes or suddenly is too full.  So now I have the recerse of what was before I am ready and willing but may end up living in a cold field (oh and I lost my wallet yesterday on the 77…sheesh)

It is only by the grace of God that I am here (Starbucks) recharging all equipment. The Julia Roberts lookalike has been feeding me coffee samples and letting me recharge. She remembers me because she told me a few days ago to register my Starbucks card. I wanted to…didn’t get to it (or I’d be buying a breakfast sandwich right now) but she remembered our convo. So they are letting me recharge and they know why.

Nice.

kay, back to those of you who read this. If they will take me I will give it up: 12-18 months.

This is what you have felt was necessary and I have come to agree with you.

Lesson: You cannot get there till you get there. It is by degrees and being open.

o

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