Waiting for Cotdot

I was told when meeting with COT that I could check in for a six moth program (which is terrifying for someone like me) if I came in   sober and clean. I was ready at 8 a.m. and called in.

“We have no beds today.”

I conferred with Miles and Alexis who really wanna see me get placed there….they said best to dump me on the doorstep tomorrow at 8 a.m. and see what happens.

I’m game.

Meanwhile I had to do my paperwork (hours) to get my $90 a week) from the state for …I dunno…underwear, a razor,  I applied for all available jobs I was qualified for (25 a week). The most surprising was “Bouncer”.

I would make a  good bouncer actually. I have the size, authority and am not easily incited. I also want the best for people. There is also a sort of fearlessness in the face of real threat I have had since 1986. I am not afraid to die. Actually rather be shot trying to help someone than die in most other ways.

So no…guns do not scare me. Nor does taking a few hits…but then no one ever wants to hit me when they up lose.

They do not know (and I will not be telling) that I have studied Jesus and Gandhi and MLK. I won’t hit back. Don’t need to.

So Friday I apply for a bouncers job alongside as UI designers, technical writer’s and program director’s jobs.


In the meantime…It would be nice to get into COTS. I assures my sobriety and turn me into a better man in 6 months.

Now the Merton quote has stayed with me for 25 years. How a man or woman can be stripped down to a place of utter spiritual nakedness. I am not there yet, but I can attest I am far closer right now than I have ever been.

Every word Merton says is true. I will confirm that. It resonated in me at 28 and I now have to live it at 53. Alone…naked…but not alone.

I do now. Do you?


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. wadesmith
    Jul 22, 2010 @ 19:35:06

    Love you, MacMan. I think bouncer would make for some interesting stories.


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